May 02nd, 2019

Its Springish here in NJ and things are blooming and rain seems daily. We have been feeling a bit better because we have been able to venture out a bit more. I wonder if you have felt the same. I also have days when the outside makes me feel guilty.  You should really go out, we have not had nice weather. I want to still be in my hygge  attitude. I like blankets and books and snuggles. A LOT!!!  Now don't get me wrong, I don't have that kind of leisure but when I do have time, that's how I wish to spend it.  The other day I got a longer nap for my daycare child and I decided to take that monitor outside and I took my shoes off and sat in the chair and put my feet in the grass.  You know what happened? I came inside after 30 minutes of reading and had at least 4 large welts from mosquito bites. I did get some good vitamin D feels to compensate for my itchy ankles. 

Isn't this just like motherhood.  It's not what you thought but it is good. It is not the idyllic picture remember this one... 
 

Its not all filtered and smiling and sleeping babies. The haze is probably your tired eyes and you are smiling because you finally got her to sleep and now your smile turns to fearful grimace as you try to lay that girl down without waking her up again. The struggle is real.  
But when you step back and re-group and think about all the good in this time of hard, you absolutely can see straight. I came inside searching for the balm for my bug bites and realized how good my toasty warm body felt after a short time. I had read a few chapters of a book I absolutely loved, too. I had done some important self-care and I was better for it. 
You are a better person for being a mother. Your self-sacrificial giving and your momma bear fierce love for your child are creating a new being. Comparing this you to the old you will not do! Stop that right now! (I used to be fun, I used to have adult conversations, I used to have sex, LOL).  You can still do all that and seek them out if you are feeling depleted. However, also celebrate the new being you are, a strong and gentle and amazing creature who is nurturing a LIFE! You GET to share the things you love about God's world with your child and influence forever who they will become. Its daunting but really rewarding too. Bonding with a child is a gift you give them forever. It sets them up for psychological health for a lifetime. I think that is one of the greatest things a person can do for another person. DO NOT DISCOUNT being a MOM!
Hugs to all who are struggling this week! I am praying for you. 
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