My dear tired and unsure mommies, come sit with me a while. Here's a steaming cup of decaf tea with fall flavors. Take a deep breath in. aaand out. You are alive, so is your baby, you survived. Yes, today was most likely hard, as was yesterday. If you had a blissful day, thank God for your hormones and expect that a hard day is coming but you can face it. I was going to do some teaching today but I feel that the better route today is encouragement. Something that I feel is crucial for all moms to understand is this.... YOU are the best mom for YOUR baby! This baby is not accidental and it isn't someone else's. As a mom, you are perfectly made for child and vice versa. Your quirks and imperfections are exactly what they need to grow. You will always know your child best. So I want you to trust yourself. If you are reading this, you want to be a good mom. Most likely you feel like you are stumbling in the dark. WHy? because you don't have the support you need to grow. You are extremely blessed (and unusual) if you live around a nurturing mother figure who wants to help, has the knowledge to help and has time to help you. Keep coming back because I so want to help you grow into the mom you want to be.
I have struggled for a long time with negative self talk. That voice in your head that constantly tells you that you are not good enough and why would anyone allow you to be responsible for another life. This voice can be oppressive and get in the way of relationships and bonding. Try to remind yourself this: you can make new pathways that say, "this is hard, but I can do it." I have success over negative self talk by reminding myself that I am in Christ and I have all His help and strength. I therefore can do all things. Replace the lies and defeat with truth and practice it daily, moment by moment. And return here so I can teach and encourage you in all things postpartum and baby. You can do this and I can help.
Its September. I have expectations. I want cool weather, cozy sweatshirts, warm pumpkin spice and apple cider. But today, sigh, today is humid and a high of 81 and I am blue. I have expectations that are not met and I want to find a way to fix that. Now here is where my analogy falls short, because I can hide in my house and ignore the weather, crank the AC and get some pumpkin Chai tea brewing. I can make my circumstances similar to my expectations. But let's look a little bit deeper, what expectations did you have? What imaginative pictures flooded into your brain when you learned you were pregnant? You were probably even daydreaming this time in your life from childhood. What did those pictures look like?
And is this your reality right now? I'm just guessing but probably not. I think it probably looks more like a sleep deprived, coffee deprived, moment of feeling more like a dairy cow than a glowing angel mom. Its okay. Take a deep breath, grab some herbal calming tea and let's take a minute to mourn that. You are normal. You heard right. Normal new moms don't wake up smiling when baby cries. Sometimes new moms don't even get to wake up because they never went to sleep. So, take a minute to mourn that. You will not meet even your own expectations of motherhood. Probably not even on your best day. What do you do about this? If you are a follower of Jesus, like me, you remind yourself that His expectations are the only ones that matter here. He has love and patience for you as you learn this new life. The other wonderful thing about motherhood is that BABIES ARE SO VERY RESILIENT. And they are created to help you know when something is wrong. They cannot tell you why they are crying but you will keep trying until you figure it out. You are designed to. Please remember, I know you are a caring, nurturing Mom. How do I know? You have read this far trying to figure out things to help you and your baby bond. One thing I hope desperately that you hear from me clearly and repeatedly, your baby needs YOU, no other mom can nurture your baby the way you can. No one else knows your baby like you do and you have the instinctual knowledge of how to care for your individual baby. Now that word is important too. Individual! You and your baby are both unique and have your own ways of doing things built in. A demanding baby may one day become a strong adult. A gentle, quiet, baby may need extra care with startling now but will be a kind and caring grown-up. SO this is the trouble with expectations, it doesn't leave room for personality, yours or baby's! But soon, you will begin to discover that those personalities are some of the things you enjoy most. You are on an adventure to learn more about each other. You will see traits of your spouse, yourself but miraculously,this baby is more than the sum of two people. I hope you enjoy this adventure as you let go of your expectations and begin to see reality is so much better, relationship so much deeper than all the expectations in the world. If I can help you to get there, I would love to. Message, text, call, comment, find me on Social Media. I'm here to help.
Paula is a single mother of 3. Follow along on her journeys of motherhood and her fulfilling work as a postpartum doula